Positive Thinking

Dense deposit disease, the kidney disease that I have, is very rare and only was discovered about 10-15 years ago. There are a few drugs in clinical trials being tested, but nothing on the market yet that is proven to work. My nephrologist is currently looking into enrolling me in a clinical trial, but, until that happens, he has put me on a daily steroid regimen that he thinks might help my kidneys for now. As a pharmacist myself, I know all about how steroids work and the negative side effects associated with them (bloating, insomnia, high blood pressure, mood changes, and depression to name a few). However, as a patient, I don’t think I was fully prepared for how it would affect me. I take my pill in the morning and a few hours later my heart is racing and I feel really jittery. I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t fall back asleep for hours. I feel bloated and exhausted and, by the end of the day, am so depressed all I can do is cry. After the first 2 weeks of all this, I got to the point where I realized I needed to change something or I was going to have a full mental breakdown.

I did some serious soul searching and found that, with a little effort, there were some positive changes I could make to help myself be happier in spite of the medications. I began attending yoga class twice a week at the gym. It not only helps me feel better about myself physically, but also gives me a chance to relax and focus on something beyond my day to day struggles. Additionally, I started recognizing the things in life that make me truly happy and focusing on them. I light candles and drink tea because it makes me feel cozy. I am spending less time on my phone and social media because it is a negative influence on my mood and generally brings me down. I switched from binge watching TV shows to watching more documentaries. I am spending more quality time with the people I love. I am reading books and planning our next vacation because those are the things I truly enjoy. In other words, I am taking control of my own happiness and being intentionally positive in my thoughts and actions.

I am not at all perfect, and fighting back the anxiety attacks and negative side effects of the medications I am on is something I consciously have to work on every day. And I am going to talk to my doctor about taking a break from the steroids (because seriously I need to sleep). But the past 6 weeks have been an amazing life lesson for me on how to stay positive in spite of the circumstances. I am living a life that is my own, and I feel more fulfilled and at peace than I did even before my diagnosis and the steroids. I am learning more and more every day that there are many things in my life that I cannot choose, but I can choose happiness and a positive mind.

“Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” Philippians 4:8