Shifting Focus

“I remember well my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope. Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion, therefore I will wait for him.’ The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him.” Lamentations 3:19-25

When I read the first part of this passage, I was like, wow that is 100% me. I have this really bad habit where, whenever a new struggle comes into my life, I go back and look at all the other bad things in my life. I see my parents multiple separations growing up, their eventual divorce when I was a teenager, the death of my dad as a young adult, the betrayals of close friends and family, and my recent struggles with my health. I see all of the heartbreak and remember all of the pain, and I think that maybe I’m just not supposed to have a good life or be happy.

But I have missed the whole point! I look back on all of the valleys and challenges of my life, and I miss that God has been faithful to help me overcome every single one of them. In the midst of my parents’ divorce, He gave me Austin, my now husband, who has shown me the love of God even on my darkest days. God gave me a father who, for 21 years, poured into my life and shaped me into the person I am. When I struggled with grief, God somehow helped me to still pass all of my college courses and graduate with my doctorate on time. When friends failed me, it cleared my heart for new, more positive relationships with the friends who are some of my greatest blessings today. “We are not consumed, his compassions never fail.” By shifting my focus from the heartbreaks of life to the love and compassion God has shown me through the heartbreaks, my perspective of my current struggles and overall attitude in life has become a lot more positive and healthier for me. The valleys of my past will always be there, I can’t change that, but the way I view them has changed. And that has made all the difference. I may or may not ever be healed from my kidney disease; I might be on dialysis by next year; I might not be able to ever have my own children. But I know that whatever life has in store for me, God is going to be there every step of the way and bring me to something better than I could have ever imagined.