My Journey

This is the story of the beginning of my journey and my inspiration for blogging.

In September 2017, a few weeks after my 26th birthday, I was admitted to the ER with chest pains and ended up being hospitalized overnight for severe hypertension (high blood pressure). My labs showed that my kidneys were only functioning at about 50% at that time, categorizing me as having stage 3 kidney disease. A few months later, after extensive testing and a renal biopsy, I was diagnosed with dense deposit disease (DDD). DDD is a rare kidney disease that affects only 2-3 in a million people. There is no cure, no guaranteed treatment options, and a limited amount of research being done. Most patients with DDD will progress to kidney failure, and kidney transplant is not a long term solution because that will eventually fail too. Pregnancy in women with stage 3 kidney disease is extremely high risk for both the mother and the baby, and many nephrologists advise exploring alternative options. Needless to say, my whole world has been shaken. I have gone from taking one medication daily to eight. I have doctor’s appointments every month and bloodwork every few weeks. Mentally, I struggle with what the future will hold. Will I be on dialysis by the time I turn 30? Will I be healthy enough to have a child? Why is this happening to me?

The first few weeks after my diagnosis, I became consumed with anxiety, depression, and an overall obsession with myself and my health. I allowed my physical disease to cause me to be mentally unhealthy. About 3 weeks later, I decided to look for physical healing from the one who has cured incurable diseases for centuries – God. I started by reading a daily devotional and then taking the verse at the end and reading that chapter of the Bible. The devotional is not geared towards healing, but I have found some amazingly encouraging passages and verses in my studying every morning. I began this journey in hopes of receiving physical healing from my disease, but, I realized, that I have found something even better – mental healing. I still struggle with what the future holds, but I have found peace and acceptance in my disease and hope in the God who knows every part of my life story. My perspective has changed, and I know that whether I am physically healed or not, I am going to be okay because it is all a part of a greater plan for my life.

Writing about my experience has allowed me to truly reflect on this journey and what God is doing in me. It has helped me to focus on the lessons I am learning and to stay positive in the midst of it all. I hope that, through this blog, I can connect with and encourage other young women facing a chronic illness. I welcome all comments and feedback and would love to hear your story.

“His plans and purposes will bring us peace in the journey even if we don’t always know the way.” – Crystal McDowell